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Virtuous Women
Table of Contents
Instruction Book
About Jeff & I
Belarus Mission
Prayer Requests
Total Failure ?







NEW! To Catch a Thief

A newsletter dedicated to those of you who have suffered the loss of a spouse through adultery.

Adultery has to be one of the most insidious things to affect a marriage.  My husband and I have lived through it and have the scars that it left to prove it.  Today we recognize it for the death trap it is and shun it like an open sewage pit.  In the upcoming weeks I will give scriptures, examples and personal revelation about adultery and its offspring.  You can be victorious over it, and you can keep it from entering your life.

If you are a mature believer and have successfully come through adultery with your marriage intact , please consider sharing your story.  I would like to have more than my personal story to give.  I will not give names, but merely share the lessons you've learned with others so they can avoid or survive the ravages of adultery.

  1. What is adultery?  Intimacy including sexual and emotional bonding with anyone who is not your spouse. 

  2. Why shouldn't we commit adultery? Exodus 20:14 warns, "Thou shalt not commit adultery".  Because God  told us not to commit adultery and since He can see the end from the beginning and He created marriage, we should obey.  God is a good Father and a Creator.  He recognizes everything evil and destructive.  He is a good shepherd and cares for His flock tenderly.  In so doing He watches for wolves, bears and lions.  Adultery is more like a hyena, it is sneaky and conniving.  It laughs at marriage and fidelity (faithfulness).  It has a hunched back and is downright ugly.  Father God knows this and warns us in advance that we shouldn't partake in it. The Lord in the New Covenant is just as against adultery as the Father was in the Old. Here are verses that he personally speaks on the subject:

Matt 5:27
Matt 5:28
Matt 5:32
Matt 5:32
Matt 19:9
Matt 19:9
Matt 19:18
Mark 10:11
Mark 10:12
Mark 10:19
Luke 16:18
Luke 16:18
Luke 18:20
John 8:3
John 8:4

  1. We were created to be faithful to our spouses.  Genesis 2:21-25 tells us that God caused a deep sleep to come upon Adam.  He did a new creative work by taking a wife out of man.  He took Adam's rib and formed woman from its cells. ( Can you think of another time where a man went into a deep sleep, his side was split and his bride was taken from his side? That is precisely what happened to Yeshua on the cross!) Man was complete, but alone before this "operation".   He had animals as his daily companions, but he was alone.  God would come and go and walk with him, but man needed a constant companion and helpmeet, someone to look at face to face.  So Adam prophesies what marriage is to be.  A man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife.  Here we have a picture that man left his God from time to time to cleave to his wife.  In this cleaving they would experience that unity of "one flesh" that he had before the separation.  This is also a picture of our Messiah, Yeshua and the separation we are experiencing while he is with God.  He will return and we shall once again cleave to him at the Marriage Feast of the Lamb!  Can you see thy symbolism and significance of the picture that an earthly marriage paints?  It's no wonder   God is repulsed by adultery, infidelity and divorce. 

  2. The adversary is subtle in drawing us into adultery. He follows family lines and knows who is more likely to commit adultery. If your ancestors were prone to adultery, you will be more likely to fall for the trap. He has had almost 6000 years to learn how to trick and trap men/women in sin.  He knows just exactly what bait to use to lure and then "hook" each of us.                                                                                            James 1:13-15
    Let no man say when he is tempted, "I am tempted of God": for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempts he any man, but every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.


  3. If we study the examples of men in the bible who have taken part of adultery we can see that it brings death to those who participate in it.  Worse yet, it affects the families of those who are involved in it.  Let's study the story of David and Bathsheba.  Before we go on you must read 2 Samuel 11-12.    Here we have the story of King David and Bathsheba.  They end up together committing adultery and Bathsheba ends up pregnant.  In order to cover their sin they hatch a scheme to make Bathsheba's husband believe he is the father of this illegitimate child.  The plan fails and in order for David to hide his sins he sends a faithful servant Uriah into the frontlines of the battle hoping he will be killed.  This is murder.  David goes from one sin to another.  After Uriah dies David marries Bathsheba.  Thinking his sin is covered he goes on about his business.  The one thing he doesn't count on is that God Himself has seen the whole lurid affair.  He sends His prophet Nathan to deal with David.  Not only does David fail to see himself in the story that Nathan portrays, but he has no mercy in his heart for the one he believes the story is about.  He wants this guy punished for a much smaller crime than his own.  When the prophet reveals that the story is about David, the gravity of the situation hits  King David.  If you read Psalm 51 you will see a song of David's repentance (teshuvah).  Problem is that the death cycle that his sin created isn't finished yet.  He will suffer the loss of his first born son because of his lust.  Adultery like all sin has dire consequences.  There is no way to be partaker of such sin and not have it "burn" you. 

  4. What can you do if you're caught up in adultery? Adultery is just like any sin, a work of the flesh.  Like all other sin you can overcome it.  If you are the adulterous one, you have to make a decision that your covenant with your spouse is eternal.  If you don't begin with that thought, you won't ever be free of adultery.  If your spouse in involved in adultery, you have to again make the decision whether your marriage covenant is eternal.  You are "technically" free if your spouse commits adultery, but if you're like I was I knew God had a call on my husband's life.  I knew if I abandoned him in his sin, he'd miss God's best and end up dying prematurely.  I had to stand for him.  God asked me "How long would you want him to stand for you if you were in his shoes"?  I had to stand for his deliverance.  He also told me "Love them, they don't know what love is". This was the turning point for me.  I had two very clear words from God.  I also had a word God gave me before I was born again or married "This is the man you'll spend the rest of your life with".  With these three words I began to build a foundation of love and faith to overcome the deceiving forces at work in his life.  I started looking for scriptures on love.  I looked for ones on marriage, wives, husbands, adultery, faithfulness and whatever else had to do with our situation.  I began to write them down, to meditate upon them.  I began the diligent search that saved my marriage.  You will have to do the same.  I can't study for you.  I can't meditate on the scriptures for you.  I can't find the pearls of wisdom that will set you free.  You will have to do that.  If you are the "guilty" party, say so!  Don't deny that what you're doing is wrong, just because it "feels so right".  My girlfriend thought it felt so good, so right, but God would never give her my huband.  Well, if you know the word at all there IS pleasure in sin for a season, but then end thereof is death.  Here are a list of things you can do, first if you're the adulterer and the second if your spouse is the adulterer:

    • Confess your sin.

    • Make a decision that your marriage covenant is eternal.

    • If your single, make a decision that your fellow sinner's marriage covenant is eternal.

    • Turn from adultery towards God.   He loves you and is waiting for you. He wants you just the way you are. Let Him be God and let Him love you to wholeness.

    • Look for scriptures on adultery, forgiveness of sin, marriage, holiness.

      • Read these scriptures

      • Write them down

      • Confess them out loud

      • Resist the temptations that come to your mind.  Say "I resist you adulterous thought".

      • Cast down vain imaginations.  Say, "I cast that thought down under the anointing of the scripture for it is written "Thou shalt not commit adultery". 

      • Thank God for delivering your from the spirit of adultery.

      • Thank God for for sending Yeshua to pay for your sin.

      • Forgive yourself

      • Forgive your co-adulterer

      • Stay away from your co-adulterer (don't call, don't think of him/her, don't write)

      • Thank God for your spouse.

      • Thank God for making your spouse able to meet your needs.

      • Call yourself a faithful spouse.  Say "I am faithful to God and to my spouse".

      • Find a pastor who dislikes divorce and adultery, but is compassionate.  Confess to him.

      • Keep a dialog going with the Lord.

  • Make a decision your marriage is eternal before God.

  • Forgive your spouse (Say "On this date I forgive my husband/wife".)

  • Forgive his co-adulterer (Say "On this date I forgive___________".)

  • Don't record each discretion.  Don't recite your spouse's sin to him/her.

  • Don't focus on what caused the adultery, the adversary is to blame.

  • Find scriptures dealing with adultery, marriage, faithfulness, love, hope, and forbearance.

    • Read these scriptures.

    • Meditate on them.  Speak them, think about them, compare them to other scriptures.

    • Write them down.

    • Confess them out loud. 

    • When the temptation to fear arises, resist it by say, "ing "I resist you fear". 

    • Stay away from your spouses co-adulterer. (don't call, don't think of her/her, don't write)

    • Find a pastor who hates divorce and adultery, but loves you.  Confess your faults.

    • Keep an open dialog with the Lord.

    • Don't shun your spouse. 

    • Don't rush intimacy with your spouse.  Go slowly.

    • Don't run out and commit adultery to get "even".  It never evens out.

    • Email me to be in agreement for deliverance for you and hubby.

    • Don't give up.  If you make the decision that you will never quit standing and don't stop.